


Don’t Think Twice

by FinalVolition



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Kinkmeme, Psychological
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-14 10:44:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14768096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FinalVolition/pseuds/FinalVolition
Summary: Some of Solas’ thoughts and experiences upon first awaking.





	Don’t Think Twice

**Author's Note:**

> Cole repeatedly states Solas is 'in both places' and that sounds to me like he woke up to discover himself split in half, except he can still feel both parts. It's probably weird as fuck.
> 
> So um, Solas' thoughts and experiences when he first wakes up?
> 
> Bonus: What do Fade kisses feel like to a split-dimension Elf man?

_It does not take more than Solas’ first few stumbling steps in this world to realize it was bleaker than he remembered. The sky was all but familiar, as well as the spreading vegetation that enclosed the area in tight clusters of snow covered trees and brush during his slumber. Silence surrounded him, his shivering shadow his only companion. Understandable, seeing as to how long he has been asleep._

_Despite it all _, what caught his attention most was that there were no spirits, no demons, no magic in the air, yet he could still feel it around him. _ _ _ _It was there but not at the same time, straining to be released like light behind a closed door,____ and if he reached for the little flickers that escaped between the cracks, he could summon his magic. That much was a relief.__

____Solas could recall how this place looked in the fade, the very images flashing with each step forward, transparent over the backdrop of the real world. It was a new sensation to him, one that strained his mind to process._ _ _ _

_Casting his confusion aside, he walked, with no real destination, the desperate need to uncover this age spurring him forward for the next few days._

_A hunter cared for him when she spotted him wandering the woods, dirtied and half-bleeding from an animal attack. Green markings of Andruil blemished her face, and he feared that his plan had all went for naught to protect them. Then, she brought him to her clan, all members of differing factions based on their markings. Some welcomed him, and though their language was_ o _ne he could easily recognize as his own, the phonetic had changed, the meanings have changed. Others instead looked at him with distrust, a strange "flat-ear" in their territory, as if there should be division among them._

_"Flat-ear? I'm not familiar with that term," he told the huntress, and she gazed at him with the slightest disbelief._

_"It means you're not a part of the Dalish. You are far of age and lack any vallaslin, and your voice belongs to none of the clans that we know of, thus you are not a Dalish," she explained, "but, do not worry. It does not matter to the Keeper. We must protect each other, falon, even if the others do not see it that way."_

**_It was all wrong._ **

_"Where are we exactly?"_

_"A little north of the Emprise. Are you feeling okay, ah, your name. I never asked for it."_

_**He was not sure what to answer at the time.** _

_"It's fine, not everyone wants to talk of the past, but you should still join us at camp tonight. The first is telling the old legends for the children. Many city elves are probably unfamiliar with such a thing. It would do well for you to learn the history," she haughtily told him._

_The first was younger than Solas would have imagined. It took years to reach a level of magic that would make you a viable mage among the old people, but this boy was still a child in comparison, magic little developed. Though, Solas could see the potential emanating from him like veil fire, a shining light from the fade sparking from his body._

_He sat at the center of the campfire, setting his staff at his feet. "You all know the story of how the gods came to battle the forgotten ones. Tonight is the story of how it all ended through betrayal, and the world fell. Do you remember how?"_

_"Fen'harel locked them all away," one child answered, with hand raised high._

_"Yes, he betrayed our gods and locked them in the heavens and the forgotten ones in the abyss. Before the fall of Arlathan—“_

_Solas listened through the entire retelling of his deeds, jaw clenched tight in anger and fist folded against his thighs until his knuckles turned white and blood leaked from the crevices. "That's why you must never let your eyes be clouded and never allow the dread wolf to lead your path."_

_"Is that the true history you wish to tell," Solas found himself asking the boy, "I have been to the fade, the same as you, have you not entertained the idea that the world would have been better without war tearing through the People? Fen'harel's decision may have saved what little remained."_

_"Without the gods, we all suffered worse than any war could have brought," he argued, "I have no idea where you hail from, but you know nothing. We have kept the traditions alive this way for centuries, all of our legends have been kept by the true people, so I would rather not have some strange man come to question them. Dirthara-ma."_

_**Then, he knew his answer. Pride.** _

___It took only a few more weeks to discover this world for what it truly was whether he went to the remaining of the people who go by the Dalish or the humans, who were no better.___ _The humans had improved little since he had known them in his time. Perhaps, they have even declined further. Now, they have little enemies save for the oxen beast to the north and those of their own kin whom have magic in their veins, so they must battle each other for territory, resources, religion. Savagery of their kind found little end, he always knew. Even worse are the elves opposite of the Dalish that have fallen to the hands of humans and are of the few things he could feel the inkling return of pity for._

_**There was no harmony here, even less compassion, just selfishness and despair. Better it not exist at all. For all purposes, it did not exist.**  
_

_The one place he felt normal, at home, was within his dreams in the safety of the fade.It was different from being in the fade physically. The fade was now a shape of the mind for many mortals, and that is how it feels, like a long dream rather than something malleable. It was only moments more when Solas realized that it was him where the problem lied in this hazy, headache inducing view of the world._

_The fade and the physical were split because of him, so he too separated because of it. His entire being, mentally and physically, an unstable situation, barely held together. Yet, he still preferred it here with spirits much more than the physical even with it locked away to just tricklings of dreams. Spirits do not judge, do not cling to their own falsehoods of reality. And it was here, he can still recognize true emotion, a state of self that could not be rebuilt in a society controlled by humans and accepted by the elves._

_If there was one thing he could do, it was to reshape this perversion and bring it back to its true form. Then, he would be able to feel the world as one once more rather than tool through it with reenactments of feelings and concerns that had once held him even if it resulted in casualties. After all, ants didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.  
_

_The orb succeeded to rip a hole in the sky and bring a piece of the fade back, but not how he had planned. It was not that he cared for the chaos added to a world already in flames from war but for the spirits screaming in pain as they were pulled through the veil._

_It was the plan to reclaim the orb on his own, to fight the breach, but the humans had already moved to make such an effort. Though, even after joining their organization, the distrust and disdain held by the andrastrians only reminded him how alone he truly was surrounded by others._

“Solas! Are you all right?” The herald reaches out to him with her unscathed hand, and he readily takes the help back onto his feet.

She is a soft touch to the inquisition despite the heavy armor carried on her frame. The first time they met, she was just an unlucky fool in the right place to have her life spared, and he had little thought to what she could do outside of sealing the rift, yet she continued to surprise him with a warm, caring nature filled to the brim with curiosity for the unknown, someone who actually listened instead of talked.

“You needn’t worry, inquisitor. I’ve taken more than a fair number of hits in battle before,” he explains as he dusts himself off.

“Good, cause we want you around long enough to take a few more, right!” Her marked hand makes contact with his shoulder in a friendly smack. It burns brightly when she touches him, almost like a split second of returning to the fade when the faint glow of green sparkles over his skin.

For a moment, he almost felt complete then it was gone just as quickly, leaving him feeling as empty as before, that piece of him brought back from the fade and connected with his own body, like in the days of the empire. Solas falters, unsure what to make of the incident. 

“I...that was a joke,” she awkwardly shuffles her feet, seemingly believing she was the cause of his discomfort.

“I’m well aware,” he answers more bitterly than he wanted to make known, an after effect of his disappointment, and it shows in her face that wrinkles and purses with rejection. “A little tip, inquisitor, jokes are meant to be funny.” 

The small smirk he offers is enough to lift her spirits back, and she grins in return. “Oh! Ha-ha, you’re hilarious,” she mocks before handing him a healing potion. “I mean it though. I am glad that you’re safe, really.”

Solas pauses. Even after all this time, she manages to surprise him still, and he nods. “As am I.”

_It had been centuries since he’s had a mortal that he could possibly call friend._

Then, weeks later, he meets her again in her dreams. She kisses him fully, the first time he felt another in the fade. It was strange, not the same as feeling her body, but rather the essence of her, every emotion she felt, nervousness, fear, love, rushing through his spirit. Those feelings burn in his heart, reflecting all the moments from her past leading up to this point. It makes him heavy, brings him back down to earth from the clouds of the fade, and he can only think how it is too soon that she has to wake up.

If there was ever a true dream to be had, it was definitely held last night. She comes to him almost immediately, her appearance obviously rushed as she enters in her pajamas, hair carelessly tied back in a messy braid. "We need to talk...in my room preferably."

He hummed in response, "Of course, inquisitor."

Solas had almost forgotten how it felt to truly be moved in this form. The shimmering light of her hand glimmers over him, and he feels connected, whole, once again. It is here that it comes all together for him, she anchors the fade, the physical, and himself in her own being and reminds him of home. She makes it true, shows him that this life is real, that she was real, that everyone could be real, and that changed everything, but—

it can’t.


End file.
